awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
