i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
