I think I died a long time ago.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
