I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
