I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
