I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
tell me about the fingering
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