Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
