but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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