I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
