I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
