I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
