You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
