apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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