i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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