when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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