We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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