dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
