I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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