someone owes me an orgasm
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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