No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
