did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
