whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
