Apparently you make a good broom.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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