No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
