Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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