Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wear drunk well.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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