she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
