Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
