That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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