farters have to be the big spoon...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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