I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
