My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
