yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Enjoy the penises
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
