are you still at the devil's house?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
