sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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