You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
