Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
