the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
