He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
