Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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