Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
