I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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