I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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