the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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