If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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