It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
