Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
