Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
