Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
