I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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